It's Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People (Vermilion) Paperback – 22 Feb. 2024

I’ve been super keen to receive Dr. Ramani’s book. I’ve been watching her videos for years. I had a breakdown and confided in my doctor who told me I was married to a covert narcissist. Her channel was recommended to me and I was astounded at how knowledgeable she is, describing the tactics and behaviour that narcissists use to manipulate, isolate and abuse their victims. I felt I was losing my mind but she taught me why narcissists behave the way they do and how to manage my reactions.Many people are unable to leave their relationship with the narcissist and she acknowledges that. Her wealth of knowledge as well as her compassion helps millions world wide. Advice is provided on how grey rocking works and the importance of not engaging. For those who can leave, she outlines what to expect when divorcing or leaving a relationship, the smear campaigns, hoovering tactics, flying monkeys and a whole lot more.She’s a very special lady, full of kindness and empathy. Her book and videos are valuable sources for anyone interested in learning about narcissism or how to help someone in a toxic, antagonistic relationship . She delivers her lectures with humour and sensitivity.I’m immensely grateful to have this amazing book that’s dedicated to helping us finding ourselves, coming out of the darkness and begin the journey towards healing and peace.Her expertise is beyond excellent, I can’t imagine what would have become of me had I not discovered her videos. Her book offers a wealth of insight, she is truly the best psychologist out there who really understands narcissism.

I follow Dr Ramani on YouTube and her expertise and knowledge of narcissistic abuse is profound.I identify with everything she talks about and it is as if she has met my abuser; her account of narcissism is so accurate.‘It’s Not You’ has helped me a great deal in coming to terms with what happened to me in my last relationship. My ex is now awaiting trial for a section 1 domestic abuse (coercive control) charge. It is almost 2 years since he was arrested and the trial date keeps getting pushed further forward due to court overloads. Mindfulness helps - my garden and my music.I highly recommend Dr Ramani’s book. Worth every penny. It will give survivors of narcissistic abuse something they thought they had lost -hope.

Read the book by dr ramani it's not you. Loved it, will keep re-reading and working on my own story. It encourages you to view yourself as a hero that has despite the difficult people holding you back and putting you down.Fear has dominated my life, fear of violence, abandonment, put downs, ridiculous scenarios that make me feel less than a person.I still have after more than a decade the old partner stalking and finding ways that are ludicrous to get my attention, in a negative fearful way.Even a sister I have not seen for 20yrs, (after telling her the intimidation of ex). She says "hey maybe he just wants an amicable relationship" then I call her out says " oh I guess I just didn't understand"He has persuaded all around me that they need to urge me to make contact with him.This drama ripples out in all aspects of my life, where I live, family and old friends all cheerlead as flying monkeys for him.I am now so strong that I fully expect to be gaslighted, coercive control, anger, threat and more. It has become my life to live with the insecure petty spite on a daily basis.Dr Ramani fully explains what, how, and that you can survive and thrive with without and through, the games of fear from a narcissists control.The unpredictability is in itself predictable.And I was sold the fairy tale future faking from him for yrs. It took more yrs to get out than get into the nightmare. However much I want out, he seems to never let it be. Why? Or what he gains from me is the satisfaction of instilling fear in me. Why? Because there is something about me that makes him feel insecure. So he then wants me to feel insecure to borrow my emotions because feeling insecure himself is way to much work to process. Of course he is entitled to feel superior, by making me feel inferior.Dr ramani has made me realise what these relationships do to a person, and really how very resilient and resourceful I am.It's a bit like trying to cope with a child having tantrums. But all the time.With help from this book, I now begin to give all the drama, much less focus. Refuse to be caught up in mind games. With the book and therapy realise my life is in my control and not his. It helps me bring the focus to my little triumphs not great big fairy tale dreams but appreciating life it's glorious without grandiose extravagant ridiculous over the top drama.If you have a partner that creates a big dramatic argument, when you ask can you do the washing up tonight......ask yourself do you want to engage in 3hours of mud slinging or do you just want a tidy kitchen, and no fuss.Stop getting drawn into dramaIt's pointless, time consuming and it feeds these monsters egos....that are extremely fragile.Thank you Dr ramani.......yes I am good enough!