The First Will Be Last: A Biblical Perspective On Narcissism (Don't Just Survive - Thrive) Paperback – April 15, 2019

This book has been tremendously validating and healing for me as I process the abuse I experienced at the church where I first came to faith and where I had also been employed for thirteen years (but am no longer employed there).The book makes the distinction between the Christian view of being "nice" and thinking "everyone is basically a good person," and the Biblical view that there are evil people who exhibit rage, jealousy, scorn, and contempt for others. I have a personal theory that some people are projectors (narcissists who blame everything external, including you) and some people are absorbers (the empath who then feels at fault but who is not source of the problem), and this book validates my theory in a way.In retrospect, the church I worked at was extremely corrupt. For the first 6-7 years, I had a controlling, narcissistic female boss who projected shame onto me numerous times and was insanely controlling. I was in my twenties and new to faith in Christ and naively thought that everyone who worked in a church was a true follower of Christ. I dreaded our weekly meetings and how she tried to dig into my personal life and be the voice of the Holy Spirit, meanwhile she never divulged anything personal about herself.I then was promoted to the IT department where I had a male narcissistic boss. At first I was the golden child, which made me uncomfortable but whatever. I enjoyed the work and the relational aspects of the role. I began to notice that he interrupted me a lot, he said "uh-huh" at weird places in a conversation in a robotic way, he argued with every single thing I said, he refused to listen, he was extremely insecure about being wrong, and he went out of his way to do the exact opposite of stated preferences, to the. point where I could successfully use reverse psychology to get what I wanted. He contradicted himself from conversation to conversation and he had no original thought. If he had to present something in front of others for five minutes, we had to meet for hours and hours in order for him to feel prepared.One day during a meeting, the mask dropped and he began raging at me in his office (I had not attended a weekend conference that he had expected me to attend - it was purely an optional offering of the church and had nothing to do with work or him but I saw a pattern of narcissistic stalking where he had to know where I was at all times and any change in my patterns caused blame/rage/controlling behaviors/punishment). I reported the rage outbreak to HR who did not handle it correctly. At that point, I was the target of a smear campaign. He constantly bullied and verbally attacked me, even in front of others in our department. He fed lies about my performance to HR, randomly confronting me with "mis-behavior," and culminating in a fake performance appraisal saying how disappointed he was in me and listed fake projects that didn't exist but that I had "let slip through the cracks." I had to sign it or speak up, so I took it to HR who ultimately let me go because "you don't respect your supervisor." This despite an anti-harassment policy that "XYZ church prohibits retaliation against employees who report harassment," and I had a lot of documentation of the bullying and toxic behaviors that had been going on.I am thankful to be out of there. What man means for evil, God means for good. I'm in a season of healing and this book is excellent. It points me to dependence on Jesus Christ alone and points me to gratitude for grace I do not deserve.The church had a lot of unhealthy things going on. Several of my friends suspect that the senior pastor is a narcissist, and I can see that. About two years before I was let go, he came to the staff with a list of "winning behaviors" that all staff must adhere to in order to "make the bride of Christ as beautiful as she can be before the Lord returns." We had monthly meetings as a staff to keep us accountable to the following: tithe 10%, participate or lead a small group and must use his curriculum, serve 5-10 hours outside of 40-hour work week, attend service each week, sponsor 4 families into membership each year, I can't remember what else but it was like impossible. We had to "grade ourselves" on the list. This is very cult-like behavior and everyone was exhausted, fearful, and anxious. All these reports were being run on who was and was not doing what. That is NOT the gospel for any who are reading this.Other unhealthiness at that church include a (at the time married) female friend whose supervisor is a male married "pastor" there, 40+ years her senior, during one-on-one meetings expressing attraction for her. That is abuse of power. Another friend got married last year and as soon as she moved in with her new husband, he became emotionally and physically abusive, ultimately she moved out and divorced him, meanwhile the "discipline team" at the church banned her from the table, forced her to quit her ministry to kids there, and sent her letters about how sinful she is, even one that had a checkbox and signature line indicating whether she thought she was sinning for getting a divorce. Meanwhile no one addressed the heinous sin of narcissistic abuse in the (now ex-) husband.This book is correct in saying, "It does not matter how much praise a narcissist receives, they will focus on the slight." (p. 119). My narc ex-supervisor felt slighted when I reported him to HR for inappropriate behavior, and he took it out on me.Things I am grateful for: I learned to lay down my will and trust God by my boss arguing with everything I said. I refused to argue back, kept silent, and trusted the Lord, and things always worked out. Galatians 1:10 became my life verse and I was (mostly) freed from people-pleasing. After the negative appraisal, I had the insight, "I am not your negative opinion of me." I found a healthier church that has been a tremendous source of healing and new friendships in my life. I pray almost daily for humility and total dependence on God for all things. I realized I had a spiritual ego in a way, working at a church, and I felt it crumble away when I drove away for the last time. Now that I am free from the long list of demands from the senior pastor, I have a normal, balanced life where I can do fun things and be myself.I have studied theology now for nearly 15 years and find this book to resonate and be Biblically accurate as far as my own journey and awareness have taken me.If you have been the victim of spiritual or religious abuse, you are not alone.

An absolutely incredible read! Biblically based & correct! Helped me & so many others so much.

This is an incredible resource! It leads much deeper into understanding the why and how and now what questions that WILL be there when one realizes that the person making them absolutely miserable and devastated - is a narcissist.This book gives very close examination to the root cause of this behavior disorder ... and provides hope too ... much hope! I found all the answers to the questions plaguing me for the past couple of years ... including what I believe to be excellent counsel to move forward in a healing way that will strengthen my faith foundation and grow me tremendously in prayer and in relationship with God. Hope. Hope for my narcissist. Hope for me. I haven't really found much of that elsewhere but it can be within the pages of this book.I will be going through this book several more times, at least, to take notes, make charts for myself, and make a prayer point guide which will be helpful for me.I so highly recommend this book that I actually think it would be an excellent one for pastors and church staff members to go through together and for Christian counselors or psychotherapists to read too. Yet - it is easy enough to read and grasp for the average person struggling to figure out how to climb out of the pit of despair they find themselves in due to the narcissistic abuse which they are enduring.While I was not yet finished reading the book, I ordered two more to send to other people in my life who will appreciate it also.

This book is exactly what I was looking for. I love the wealth of wisdom it provides both spiritually and practically. This book was a Godsend for me. I also really appreciate how humble the writer is in talking about such an intense and sensitive topic.

Not sure if I agree with everything in this book but I like that the author was unashamed regarding his perspective. There were many really valuable take a ways for me. I wish, however, that the author could have more clearly organized the books chapters and subjects. I found it choppy and hard to follow at times and some of the supportive scriptures were a bit weak or the explanations when using them a bit thin. However it was a real eye opening book in regards to narcissism addressed throughout the bible. I was blessed to know that narcissism is not a new invention and therefore not something invented by "witch doctors" as my covert narcissist has said.It is a heavy book but a good resource tool. I will have to read it again to understand it fully. Glad I bought it and I would recommend it to others struggling with a unrepentive narcissist.

This is a phenomenal book for any follower of Christ who finds himself dealing with a narcissist on an ongoing basis and who wants God’s wisdom on how to navigate what can feel like an impossible situation. This book does not offer a “silver bullet” solution, because there isn’t one, but it offers hope, truth, and practical wisdom from God’s Word. I highly recommend it!

The book is written in layman language thus making it easy to read and understanding. The profile of the narcissist is present from a biblical perspective using characters and stories that we know quite well. The author uses Scriptures to show the characteristics of a narcissist. Very educational. I was able to attend church and view the pastor, not as an antagonist, but as a pathetic actor, as he literally did during the sermon, exactly what the author described. I highly recommend purchasing and reading this book.

Very eye opening and helpful. It helped me shine the light in my own life to see the damage that insolent pride produces. I highly recommend!

Written well. A must have for any Christain.

Narcissism, the malignant kind, is on the rise. The steep increase of books, blogs, courses and therapists specialized on narcissism attests to its prevalence. Unfortunately, the best advice the psychology-world has for people targeted by narcissists is to implement "No-contact". Avoidance seems the only alternative, since narcissists are either thoroughly convinced there is nothing wrong with themselves or simply unwilling to take responsibility and change. Given the dismal chances for treatment, it is unsurprising that even therapists opt for no-contact with narcissist clients.Although going 'No-contact' is good advice for some relationships, it may be difficult to implement when the narcissist is your spouse and you have a child together. And, if you happens to be a fellow Christian, then welcome to my conundrum. Forget the 'No-contact' solution, God makes no exceptions to ditch the narc in spite of His commandments. The good news is that the Bible speaks volumes about narcissism.The use of 'narcissism' for describing a personality type is pretty modern, so you won't find this term in the Bible. Nevertheless, there are plenty narcissist characters in Scripture and, most importantly, God's wisdom on how to deal with them. This is the amazing gift of this book and the companion blog. It guides us through the Bible for revealing the roots of this exasperating heart condition. The Bible goes way beyond no-contact, showing how to find peace, grace and even thrive amidst this tribulation. And, God willing, instead of running for the hills, you may even help your narcissist on the way out of darkness.There are a few typos, but nothing that compromise readability (only a scoffer would use this excuse to trash the message). I read so many books on narcissism. This one is unique.* * * Update after three months: The typos were corrected in the new edition. God's promises are real and this book works. It changed me. And now, through my intercession and prayer, is also beginning to change my narcissist partner.

This was such an informative and honest book. There have always been narcissists in the world, and this book really gets to the heart of the matter. If you are trying to lead a spiritual life, you will invariably come up against these types of people and maybe notice some characteristics within yourself. I found it an extremely useful book. Thanks to the person who wrote it, they should be commended.

Amazing! Every person being abused who is a Christian should have a copy even people who aren't Christians should have a copy! One of the best books on narcissism and abuse I have ever purchased.